Friday, April 2, 2010

21 year old seeks mate!

I'm looking for a no-strings-attached relationship for the sole purpose of creating offspring. I'm female and as you can see from my photo, I'm a quite attractive specimen.

My proper name is Laurus nobilis but my friends also know me as Bay Laurel. I've reached sexual maturity and I'm blooming for the first time but I am all alone and need a mate. Age or looks are unimportant. My only concern is if you can provide me with the children I so greatly desire.
Since this is my first time, I'm not sure how long I'll be fertile but I know it will be at least another year before I have a second chance. Time is of the essence! Even a brief encounter between us could be very productive!

You don't need to live nearby.  Your pollen could be sent through the mail!  I could even entertain multiple males at once!

If you are a male of my species and are willing and able to share some pollen, please send your contact information so we can arrange a meeting. I'm really looking forward to rubbing your anther against my stigma!

Ready and waiting,


debsgarden said...

Sorry, I have no pollen for you, but I enjoyed the post! It is informative and interesting. This is a beautiful shrub. I didn't know it took so long for them to reach maturity.

Ami said...

Sorry, I don't have a candidate as the mate of your shrub! But your post really gave me a good laugh on this friday! Hope you find the mate for your beloved shrub!

Kimberly said...

Jim, what a comical way of requesting pollen for your beautiful Laurel! I hope she finds a successful mate SOON. A depressed, frustrated female is NOT FUN!!!! :)

gcvhorticulture said...

Thanks for visiting me as a new member of Blotanical. This is a clever way to ask for a mate. I bet it's the first online dating site for plants!

HappyMouffetard said...

Great post :-)

Barbara said...

What a naughty girl :)

Thanks for making me a fav!

Belle said...

Love this post. I nearly spit out my tea...such a beautiful shrub, hope she finds a mate.

Mad about Garden said...

Well done with this clever post.
You turned the mundane into a true love story :)

All the best
Ajman UAE (zone 11)


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